The Importance of Being Earnest...ly Fake

One of my uncles passed away on 27th June. It's been a big wake up call for my family, since he's the first one to depart in the immediate family in recent years, and everyone in his generation are in their mid-to-late sixties (my parents are in their seventies).

I wasn't close to him when I was growing up, but after I returned to Bangladesh and joined ETV, we often found topics to talk about. He was fed up with Bangla movies at ATN Bangla channel and asked me three times for their contact address so he could write and complain. I went to visit them in March, and was stuck there for an hour because of the rain. We talked about this popular TV series, Lal Neel Beguni (Red, Blue and Purple) that he watches every fri and sat night (which I've never seen). He was miffed that his TV was out, so he couldn't watch his favorite show. I never thought of him as one to watch TV, and a connoisseur of an insipid series like that. But it made me realize how lonely old age must be, especially in an empty nest.

Good and bad memories make up your impression of a person. The good ones include his fondness for food and timing. As a high ranking air force officer, he was a stickler for timing. If you invited him for dinner at 8pm, he'd expect food on the table at 8pm. In their Green Road house, no one could enter after 8.30pm, since he'd unleash his vicious dogs in the compound to roam around. And even after bypass operation in his heart, he enjoyed food, and would attend the family dinners and join everyone. And he was famous for describing the skin color of a potential bride for his son as one who's "Ujjal Shyam Borno" (who of "brightly dark" complexion), a term I often use as a joke.

But this entry is about me. I'll admit, I'm a fake. I go through life faking everything - especially interest in people, etc. I've had enough conversations with people where they thought I was really into their life story, whereas I was just being polite, or killing time. And every other day, I wave at people or make small talk on the road, people who's name I should remember, but don't care to.

With relatives, it's a massive effort to maintain the image of earnest, it's probably easier to fake an orgasm. Theoretically, it should be easy, right? You ask an elderly about his health. They think you care, so they talk to you about the bladder/liver/heart/blood pressure ailment for five minutes, you nod sensitively, and walk away.

Not quite. Appearing earnest has landed me in awkward situations. Like listening to an uncle for an hour at a wedding about his hearing problem in the right ear due to an injection, and after that admitting to my mom that I had no idea who he was. Making small talk with a cousin for an hour just so he would mention his own name, which I forgot (It's good that my relatives often refer to themselves in the third person).

The burial proceedings tested my limits once again. One of my aunts' husband came up to me smiling, and I had no idea who he was. I had to keep him engaged in conversation long enough to find out who he was. I was getting there, except another cousin walked by, and this uncle talked to him about his operation, etc. and my cousin looked at me asking who he was, and I had to mutter under the breathe that I had no idea. Just to make up for it, I spent another 30 minutes after the burial with this uncle.

Then there's this cousin who I was introducing and forgot his name. I've decided to ask for everyone's passport photo, scan them into a handheld with image recognition software and a face scanner. And maybe then I'll remember who people are. At least my handheld would.