The iPhone and the brick

My parents have been married for over 45 years. Both of them married late considering their contemporaries (29 and 28 for dad and mom), so 45 is quite a stretch. I was pondering this fact last weekend: I have yet to reach a relationship longevity one-tenth as long as them.

It's not like I envy my parents. I don't think I'm wired for long-term relationships. I want all the benefits, without the hard work, the bickering, the negotiation, the disappointments, the settling. Moreover, I don't get why society rewards longevity in relationships.

In ancient times, life expectancy was around 37. You'd reach puberty around 13, spend 1-2 years looking for someone to settle down with, get married around 16, spend first 10 years raising kids, next 10 years resenting your kids, and then one person would die. The survivor will then get to marry someone 16 again, and enjoy the remaining years of his/her life. Here the reward for surviving a 20 year relationship is that you get to start fresh, with someone new and exciting.

Cut to modern times. You live till 60-70. Your spouse lives just as long. Your dating pool shrinks like anything, as does your earning potential after you reach 50. It's practically impossible to leave your spouse, as you'd have to provide for two families with reduced income. The 18 somethings that would covet you even 200 years ago, now has a bigger dating pool of newly divorced 30 somethings, so you are not as desirable anymore. So you stay together with your spouse. You bicker. You accept your fate. You wake up everyday, and you long for something new, anything new. You feel like the brick, the old reliable model that people have been using for thousands of years, but something no one desires, notices or thinks about.

I want relationships to be like iPhone. I want people to look at it, do their oohings and aah-ings. I want third party apps that extend the functionality. Every couple of years, I want a bright and shiny upgrade so that more people look at it and drool. I would want new and fresh accessories to show off the iPhone.

It never occurred to me before, but I do not want what my parents have. And no amount of campaigning, advertisement and social norm can make me change my mind. Except old age, as my aunt keeps saying.