One of my favorite quotation of Sense and Sensibility comes near the end. Emma Thompson, being pressed on by Kate Winslet about why she's kept her disappointment and heartbreak a secret from her family. This is how it went.What do you know of my heart? What do you know of anything but your own suffering. For weeks, Marianne, I've had this pressing on me without being at liberty to speak of it to a single creature. It was forced on me by the very person whose prior claims ruined all my hope. I have endured her exultations again and again whilst knowing myself to be divided from Edward forever. Believe me, Marianne, had I not been bound to silence I could have provided proof enough of a broken heart, even for you.Past two weekends, I went through (survived may be more appropriate) a similar situation. If I were Marianne Dashwood, maybe things would have been a lot different. But I have always identified with Elinor. I worry about making a scene, consider other people's feeling. And in the end, all the anger, bitterness, disappointment, heartbreak comes distilled through a filter and the end result looks like mopey and aloof.
I don't think I was Marianne ever, but what I wouldn't give for a spectacular emotional blowout like her for a few choice seconds. If there were no repercussions, so many things could have been said.
Funny thing, this stupid heart of mine.
