502. Non Fetish

I'll have to admit, I don't get all the underwear campaigns. Versace, Calvin Klein, 2(x)ist, you name it, I don't get it. I know that brands matter, because I grew up with Fruit of the Looms, which was my dad's preferred brand. So, obviously, the gazillions of consumers are not wrong. It's just I don't get it.

Sure, they look good, the Beckhams, the Schenkenbergers, the Sabato Jrs, with all their unabashed airbrushed glory. And I enjoy the magazine speculations where they try to figure out how much of the 3 story high protrusion in Times Square is "real" and how much is stuffed with a sock puppet, or better yet, photoshopped. BTW, I consider photoshop is my best friend, so it's not a moral issue . I like hyperbole too, so definitely not an issue in truth in advertising.

It's just I don't get why I have to part with my money because the designer spent half the GDP of Guatemala on a photo shoot involving a supremely hot stud-du-jour and a lesbian photographer. Is there a lesser chemistry or passion in creating art? Especially an art/product that is not seen by anyone else and definitely not you?

The perils of cheap undergear are aplenty. I think Calvin once mentioned wearing cheapo briefs bought outside Gulshan market in a corporate presentation, and suddenly realizing that the family jewels were abruptly freed by the untimely disengaging of the elastic bands.

But back to my thoughts. I spent four years earning minimum wage of $4.25/hr and supporting my education. Whenever I saw those insanely expensive briefs or boxers, the economist in me did the following calculation:

A decent Calvin Klein brief costs about $25. If you go for a tighty whitey, you'll be able to wear it thrice (me being a disgusting male here) for 12 hour each before washing, when the novelty and shine diminishes considerably enough to have no reuse value. So that's 36 hours. Out of that 36 hours, unless you're a gangsta rapper named Snarky Snark, you'll cover it up with a shirt, and presumably a trouser or a jeans for about 34 hours of it. If you're lucky, you'll manage to show off for about 2 hours, and if you look like Antonio Sabato Jr, you'll spend those two hours having someone else rip them off you. So, effective usage time: 12 mins. And if you don't look like ASJ, you could spend your entire evening with them in display watching Cops Marathon on Fox, and you still won't get any effective usage time.

So, assuming you look like ASJ, that's an hourly rate of $125. Remember that during those formative years I made, $4.25/hour. Would I have liked a pair of Calvin Kleins? Sure. Would I have looked good in them? Sure, even if maybe not as good as those airbrushed himbos. Would that have been the best use of my money?

No way.