Meet Me in Montana - Letting go

This weekend, I made a list of things I'll never get to do, don't want anymore and should drop from my list of future accomplishments. It was a difficult list, and I tried to be as realistic as possible, and sat on it for couple of days to ensure that I do want to let go of these dreams.

1. Publish my first novel: I spent six years conceptualizing how my first novel would be like, plotted the storyline in my head, developed a sketch of the characters. But I don't see myself actually writing, which would involve typing, writer's block, anxiety about completion, endless meetings with publishers, promoting, being anxious about what other people will think, etc. I am now 34, and I confidently let go of this dream.

The book was gonna start at a wedding, with lots of secrets, crushes, ironies, prophecies, etc and was gonna be written in classic Bangla. But I donate this to the universe, I'm not the one to write it.

2. Fly a twin engine plane: I've always blamed my eyesight and motion sickness to not fulfill my ambition to become a pilot. But as I grow older, I don't seek the thrill of speed and chase and venturing into the unknown. I'll never take lessons, won't pursue it anymore. Chop chop.

3. Be the hot shot: I was the youngest manager at the TV station, and the youngest technical manager at my previous job, and the youngest from my office to get an international position. Now that I'm 34, I'll never be the youngest, or the smartest. There will always someone younger, smarter and more knowledgeable than me. I accept that, and it's fine because I have accomplished enough things to be proud of myself. And I can contribute enough wisdom learned over the years.

4. Complete a marathon: 10 years ago, I wanted to run the marathon. I trained half hazardly for couple of weeks, wasn't patient, injured myself, and then tried to build up the stamina, but it was never the same. Work, life, relationships always got in the way. And the accomplishment of running the marathon doesn't hold as much value as it did 10 years ago. I happily let go of this dream.

5. Be the indie artsy guy: I wanted to sing, that was before puberty, when my voice broke. Wanted to direct a film about youth angst. I don't even remember what youth angst felt like back in the days. Face it, I'm not gonna be any different than I am now. I feel more comfortable talking about movies than actually make the effort to make a movie. I'm boring, and I embrace my boringness.

The five dreams that I'm not letting go, yet:

1. Develop a six pack: I've always retained an extra layer of fat in the middle, no matter how skinny I was. I'm comfortable enough to let go of my layer of protection -- from hurt, from uncertainty, and I will get my six pack by end of 2008.

2. Set foot on every continent: I have europe and antarctica left.

3. See my seven wonders of the world: I have seen the Great Wall and Taj Mahal. The other five on my list are: Pyramids (so close), Rapa Nui, Colosseum, Tierra del Fuego & Macchu Picchu. By 2015, for sure.

4. Read all the Marco Polo, Jules Verne & Marquez books in original form: That's going to take a while, first I'll have to learn the languages. Lifetime?

5. Run 6 miles under an hour: Hmm, quite impossible now. I'll have to relocate to a place where I can walk, let alone run. OK, let's say, by 2012.