Forest for the trees

I am on a writer's block. It's fun to cite news reports and wacky stories, but I've been stumped to write something original in the past couple of days.

Part of the problem has been dealing with the barrage of negative vibes around me after the Kabul attack. I wasn't affected directly by the attack. I've made my peace with the incident, and am trying to move on, but I can't escape it.

Everyone wants to talk about it, vent their frustration, make it about them being in Afghanistan. It is the party topic, email topic, phone topic. I'm getting security updates from people who cares about me, so that's four different organizations. I know I'm behaving like ostrich hiding its head under the sand, but sometimes I need to know less to function.

Think about it, do I need to know the exact date of my death? I'll be paralyzed for the rest of the time I'm living. Or how about information like how second hand smoke is killing my lungs? How the Kabul/Dhaka pollution is injecting lead into my system and making me stupid? How insurgents are planning to kill all foreigners, including me? Maybe they are nice information, but for me to function, I need to ignore them and live my life as if it is worth living.

I love being in Kabul and feeling that I make a difference in the world. Policies we are undertaking, advocacy efforts I'm initiating, health service improvements we are spearheading, all of these contribute to a better health and welfare for the people I work for. I sleep well knowing that my work not only affords me the material things (travel, good food, good friends, entertainment), but also provides an emotional satisfaction that wouldn't come from pushing papers elsewhere.

It is very difficult to think about long term when you are struggling in the day-to-day life. Thinking about some bomb that went off 300 miles away takes my attention away from the broader picture of how I am growing and developing and contributing to the society apart from taxes as an individual. There are no short cut solutions to the world's problems.

I probably need a vision quest to restore my sense of purpose. Here's hoping my upcoming Egypt trip will provide me with one.