Sheri's broken phone booth

I am where I am. I never thought I'd be standing here. But I am thankful for the journey and the surprises (good and bad) along the way.

Sheri Lynch, my favorite radio host had a great entry, Thanksgiving themed, on her blog. I'll just quote the last para:

If everything counts, than perhaps there’s another way of looking at the problem. Instead of seeing your life as a whole, maybe it’s better to break it into episodes. Since you’re not the same person you were ten or fifteen or twenty years ago, you ought to cut yourself some slack. What we think of as mistakes now surely seemed like reasonably good ideas to the people we once were. Some of those mistakes even felt like inevitabilities, didn’t they? Also, it’s a painful fact that many of us can’t fathom the cost of our actions until it’s past time to pay for them. So what are you going to do? Wallow in the past and wish for another try? Daydream about the future when things will finally be the way they’re supposed to be? Or face up to the reality that everything counts, and this moment, the one that’s slipping away half-noticed is the only one that matters. There’s no point chasing the ghosts of our former selves. What could we possibly say that would make any sense? We did what we did, and here we are, powerless to change even one single second. That’s the sting of regret: the knowledge of what needs to be put right, the impossibility to make it so. Kind of like standing outside a broken phone booth with money in your hand.

I can look back and see in amazement how my idea of happiness has changed over the years.

• Back in 1995, I wanted a quiet quaint subarban life where everything would be stressless and pre-planned.
• In 1997, I thought maybe a stimulating career would make me happy.
• In 1999, I thought relationship should take precedence, and if i could only make it work, I'd be happy.
• In 2000, I wanted to bury myself in work so that sadness or emptiness would never enter my world.
• In 2002, I had enough of work, and wanted to see the world, thought that would make me happy.
• In 2005, I again wanted a relationship so badly, and was convinced that that's the only thing left in the jigsaw puzzle that would complete the picture.
• In 2006, I thought academia would finally work, and a relationship had to take less importance, otherwise i'd be screwed for life
• Now in 2007, I have no idea what would make me happy, and I just don't care anymore. And I'm happier than I've ever been in past 10 years.

C'est La Vie. I can't undo anything, and fix what I broke, I can only be thankful for having survived.

So thanks, survival.