ballad for the 1-T-G-A

1-T-G-A, or the one that got away. I visited a Bangladeshi apa on saturday, and saw Bangladeshi TV (NTV) for the first time in a month. Lo and behold, on the screen, the 1-T-G-A!

I experienced my first lust-obsession combo back in 1987, when I was 13. I spent day and night dreaming about just one, and hoping for reciprocal feelings. The song, Fever, by beyonce, (or is it madonna?) would be the most appropriate description of how I spent my days, daydreaming and lusting in precocious adolescent heat.

You give me fever
When you kiss me
Fever when you hold me tight
Fever
In the morning
Fever all through the night
Sun lights up the day time
moon lights up the night
I light up when you call my name
and you know i'm gonna treat you right

Even though I reached first or second base (semantics), I never got back the love or affection that I craved so much, so can't call this my first love. My first love happened in 1995, at a different time and place and galaxy far, far away from that reality. But that's worth another entry.

So this 1-T-G-A now looks, appropriately, 20 years older, gained substantial weight, has a fuller and rounder face, and not as dreamy and sensual as the mental picture I harbored all these years. But certain circuitry in my brain heated up nevertheless, and my mouth felt dry, and all the buried desire and disappointment came rushing back.

At this point, I am the luckiest SOB alive in the world of romance. It's good to be older and wiser and in love. Age brings a certain serenity and grace to a relationship, which is often missing in the topsy-turvy roller coaster of hormonal instinct in a teen love. You look before you leap, and can take comfort in knowing that even if the leap of faith doesn't have a landing pad, you can piece yourself back together again and walk away.

But who doesn't long for that magic of first kiss, that awkward pause as you try to hold your emotions back and try to ensure that it is real, and it is happening to you and the moment just hangs there forever while you fight to make it worthwhile. And fail miserably.

And spend the next 19 years wondering if you could've done it better.