The idea of grace really has guided and troubled me over the years. I don't mean it in a shashaying way, but for a long time I've been searching for just the right balance between wisdom, composure, openness and passion. Grace is not something you're born with, and I think, something you have to consciously learn, as opposed to becoming permeated with by the right surroundings.This is how Anne Lamott defines grace in her book, Grace (Eventually):
"Grace is that extra bit of help when you think you are really doomed; also, not coincidentally, when you have finally run out of good ideas on how to proceed, and on how better to control the people or circumstances that are frustrating or defeating you."
Other grace-related thingies that crossed my mind right now. My favorite TV show at one time was Grace Under Fire. Even a few bars of Amazing Grace (along with It's a wonderful Life by Louis Armstrong) makes me wistful. Topher Grace is in Spider-Man 3, which I'm excited about. I really didn't like Will and Grace. The song Grace Kelly was played by MTV at least 10 times over the weekend, and I'm humming it right now. The graceful movement taught in Princess Diaries is the only thing I remember from the movie. My favorite graceful image from the movies is the bamboo forest fighting scene in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.
I'm in general clumsy, uptight and abrupt in all aspects of my life. I react too quickly, or don't react at all. Say too little, and suffer in silence till the breaking point, and then say too much and pull the rug from underneath someone. I'm striving for grace though, and I think with enough experiences, am able to better control my initial impulses and try to think things through before reacting.
Then again, once in a while, I slip back to my default petty person, and then after some time, start climbing again. I suppose it's the journey, not the destination.
